Kiss
Puke
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
