my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
