remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
