just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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