Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
We had to coat check the pizza.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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