Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
