"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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