she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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