then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
