I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
you are never too drunk for berry picking
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
