So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize