I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
