So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
