Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
