I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
