not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
