omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
