Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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