I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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