she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
