i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
