Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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