My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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