After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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