sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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