God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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