Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
