she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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