Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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