i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
