What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
