I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
porn star boner night. come get it.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
