I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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