i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
