Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I smell like Dick and happiness
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
