Too much gin, very little bucket
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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