HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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