I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
