Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize