whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
