***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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