I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
COCAINE IS GR8
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
