It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
