Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
