Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
