sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
