I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
