It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
