Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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