she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
