I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
