You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
