You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
