I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
