you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
