just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
she told me i tasted like america
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
