hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize