WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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