I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
