I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
