my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
