if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
