That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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