I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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