hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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