Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I understand Curling. That high.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
