one two three fourrrrnication!
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
