I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
