I could have mohawked her pubes.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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